


Blink

by unknowableroom_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-09-20
Updated: 2007-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-19 22:49:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,594
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12419895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unknowableroom_archivist/pseuds/unknowableroom_archivist
Summary: If life can pass you by, there's no reason you can't catch up.





	1. Prologue: You Asked

**Author's Note:**

> Note from ChristyCorr, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Unknowable Room](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Unknowable_Room), a Harry Potter archive active from 2005-2016. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project after May 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Unknowable Room collection profile](http://www.archiveofourown.org/collections/unknowableroom).

  
Author's notes: 1  


* * *

**Disclaimer: nothing is mine.**

You blink and you miss things. 

It’s always been that way. Eyelashes have a funny way of concealing life from view when you need to see it the most. Life is constant, ever-changing. It’s impossible to see it all, but the loss is still crushing. 

You blink and everything changes.

In the aftermath, I thought of the moments I’d spent with my eyes closed, thought of what I could have done instead. Probably a lot. But I didn’t. And he didn’t. I hadn’t even known what to do. So it was too late. I still don’t really like to talk about it all. It’s only because you asked, you know. I wouldn’t relive it for anyone but you. 

You blink and you miss your chance to say something. 

I was always talking, but looking back, I didn’t say a whole lot. It didn’t mean anything. I should have just kept my mouth shut. Probably would have been better off in the end. 

You blink and it’s too late. Way too late.

I blinked and James Potter got over me. 

I blinked. That’s how it started, how it went wrong. I hesitated, I flinched, I missed my chance. 

I blinked, James Potter got over me, and the world took a dizzying, blinding turn. 

I blinked. That’s all you need to know right now. 

Besides the fact, of course, that I did eventually open my eyes. 

 

**This fic is in response to complaints that I only write drabbles now. Well, the official complaint was for me to update FMD, which…I’m sorry, I’m not going to do. At least not yet. I reread it and cringe. It feels like someone else wrote it. I was a different person when I started it and while I’m not against finishing it, I have no plans to continue working on it until at least my next school break. Hogwarts, A History still intrigues me, but I want it to be as perfect as I can make it. And I’m sorry, I’ll probably always be writing drabbles. I’m too obsessed with moments to give them up. But this is me apologizing and saying…I will attempt to write a semi-decent multi-chaptered, in-depth fic. But, again, remember that I _am_ in college, my classes and my social life _do_ come first, and some weeks I will only have time for snapshots. **

**Okay, rant over. Review, please. Just a little prologue.**

**love** **,**

**lark**


	2. Chapter One: Shuddering and Discovering

I wake up and I can’t tell if it’s sunny or cloudy outside. I squint blearily, before rolling over. I’m not sure if it matters. 

If it’s sunny, I’ll be cranky all day since I can’t enjoy it and Remus will grow irritated with me. You really don’t want the person you have to spend long, odd hours with on a frequent basis to become annoyed with you. If it’s raining, I’ll be cranky that I have to be outside in it. 

Anna flicks me on the foot, shakes my leg. “Remus says if you’re not downstairs in five minutes, he’s volunteering you for all subsequent Hogsmeade visits of the year.”

I groan, contemplate the torture of that situation, and hop out of bed, dashing into the bathroom to get ready. 

Jacques Lacan theorized that there is a specific point in a child’s life he called the mirror stage. There is a significant moment during which the child, blinking in perplexity at his or her reflection, will begin to associate that image with him or herself. Through careful experimentation, we learn that our reflection waves in unison, that we are that person behind the glass. 

Every morning, as I brush my teeth or fix my hair, I do the same thing. Only, unlike a child, I’m never truly satisfied. 

 

Remus and I patrol listlessly through the streets, both wishing we were with our respective friends. We take turns commenting on the weather, on classes, and on complaining about prefect duties. He glances at his watch, I count the bell tower tolls. He covers up a yawn, I stretch both arms above my head. 

            Finally, he squints into a store window, spotting a fellow fifth-year prefect. “D’ya suppose we could convince Darren to cover for us for an hour?”

My response is lost in the sound of frantic shouting. Remus and I turn, startled, to find Sirius and Peter sprinting in our direction, arms waving. “Moony, MOONY!”

I roll my eyes, recovering from my fright that something might actually be wrong. Exasperated, Remus sighs, murmurs an apology. 

“Oy, Evans, can we borrow Moony for just a moment?”

I open my mouth, lifting an unconcerned shoulder, but Remus speaks first. “Sirius, I’m not leaving Lily on patrol by herself.” 

Sirius blinks, then looks at me, his expression oddly contemplative. I resist the urge to shrink back from his piercing gaze, fight back a shiver. He smiles and I take a step backward, eyes wide. For a moment, I’d thought the Devil was baring his teeth.

“Then Lily will just have to tag along,” he says, staring at me for another moment, considering. There was a cheeriness to his tone that surprised me, a mischievous gleam in his eye that I knew not to trust.  

“But…Sirius…” Peter’s eyes were wide. He seemed uncertain. Scared, even.“Not now, Wormtail,” Sirius replies dismissively, placing an arm around my shoulders and Remus’s, leading us away. I eye him, forehead creased, before sighing, shrugging, and becoming grateful, at least, for the interruption to a horrid day. 

 

When something startles you, really, really shocks you down to your bones, your system shuts down for a moment. Your heart pauses, confused, as your breath catches, your muscles clench. You stare, unbelieving, feeling beyond recovery, even as you slowly come back to life. Sometimes you flinch, you wince away, the discovery too sharp for human eyes. Only sometimes, that pain in your chest doesn’t go away just because you avert your eyes. Sometimes, it’s too late.

It was too late. 

I blink rapidly, hoping, strangely, that my eyelashes could change the image before me. 

“See, Moony? Tolja he meant it,” Sirius says, grinning, gauging my reaction out of the corner of his eye. 

I bite at my lip, continue to blink absurdly, fearing that if I stopped, the image would focus, strengthen in view, force me to understand. Or worse, that I’d start to cry. 

“You are such an idiot, Sirius,” Remus replies, sounding unfathomably angry. 

“You owe me five galleons,” Sirius responds, gleefully. 

I tune them out, staring at the scene before us, finally soaking it all in, allowing it to resonate within me. I hope you never have the experience that I did. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, especially you. I hope you never realize you’re in love as you watch that person snog someone else senseless against a wall in a dark alley, show more passion than you thought existed, put you so firmly to the back of their mind that they probably couldn’t even dream up your name right then. I hope, darling, that your heart never shatters the way mine did. 

 

And it’s not that it was a surprise to me that I needed James in my life. I’d always kind of known that I did, no matter how much I denied it or pretended not to notice it. I never argued when my friends told me I’d miss him hanging around if he ever did leave me alone. I knew I would. I had grown used to his presence, his constant gravitational pull on my life, no matter how much I claimed it was a nuisance.

It was more that I hadn’t ever considered that James Potter might not reciprocate that need. James Potter, I could now see, no matter how hard I tried to blink the thoughts away, needed me no more than he needed another Knut to his name. 

Some warning would have been nice, though, you know? Maybe I’m being selfish. But I mean, if you’re going to publicly like someone, and ask them out all the time, it’s only fair to let them know before you move on to someone else. I’m sorry I’m not as easy as Evelyn Clearwater, but I deserve the decency of some prior notice.

Oh, who am I kidding? It’s my own bloody fault. 

I just had never thought that James Potter even possessed the ability to like someone else anymore. He’d pretty much told me he never could. And, I had believed him. 

James Potter had moved on. But I had not. And as I stood there, ignoring Sirius’s triumph, Remus’s indignation on my behalf, and James’s obliviousness, I knew, as clearly as I knew my own name, that I was not going to take this sitting down. 

I was going to win him back. I didn’t know how, I didn’t have a plan, I didn’t know if I could. But I knew I had to try. That’s all you ever can do, you know? Try. And try again. 

After all, that’s what James had done with me. Tried. Tried again. 

Only, I wasn’t going to stop trying.

**Critique, please! Only, nothing about the verb tense, I know it’s stilted and awkward. I’m playing a little. Oh, and I'm awful at formatting on here. Sorry!! Oh, and I replied to your review, Sprut6, I didn't mean to be angry or anything, I appreciate any and all thoughts people have on my writing!**

**Hope everyone is having a good semester/marking period/whatever!**

**lovelove** **,**

**lark**


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